Quesadillas and Frozen Yogurt.

Since it has been a while since my last post I have experienced a few things.

• My cousin, who's like my sister, have her FIRST bridal shower
• Seeing my best friend for the first time in two years
• Realizing parts of myself
• Getting closer to my brother
• Experiencing independence more deeply

Let's start from the beginning. My cousin, Lauren, is about three years older than me. Although growing up we weren't really that close we connected about 5 years ago and have been thick as thieves ever since. It just so happens that she gets to marry her soul mate in just a couple of months. I get the privilege to be apart of her special day and stand in as her Maid of Honor. Saturday was her first bridal and I got to be apart of it. It was awesome to see the support she has for her upcoming nuptials. So happy for her and Jonah as they begin this next chapter in life. 

 My contribution to the food table :)

 Bride to be!

Megan and I met in the third grade. I remember the day we met. Standing in the bathroom, she had a Duke hair bow pinned in her hair. Our friendship continued into high school. Our senior year she decided to graduate early and missed a semester with us, as she moved to New York to be with her family. Little did we know that NY would keep our precious outspoken Megan past graduation. I saw her that summer, and then it became talking when we had the chance, between work and school, and our social lives elsewhere. Skype became a useful tool, and although our Skype dates where few and far between we filled the holes with long phone calls and texts. She came home this week and we all met up at our usual booth at the local Mexican restaurant and enjoyed frozen yogurt afterwards. As Megan came through the door, I held back tears as I hugged her for the first time in two years. I hardly knew it was her from her blonde hair and New York accent she has seemed to pick up. We all just picked up where we left off. Laughing around the table, enjoying company, a little gossip, a lot of laughs, and a lot of sad see-you-laters at the end of the night. It's hard losing someone you have been so close to. Not that we lost her, but had to go without seeing her radiant smile everyday at school. I miss high school sometimes. Not the drama, or the rules, but the fun, the simplicity of it all. It was EASY. I miss seeing my friends everyday, and enjoying that responsibilities were minimal. 

Great night, with great friends!

It seems that when you try to change for the better, life always provides someone to tear down your empire you've struggled to build. I have tried for the past nine months or so to become a better person. To not be so angry at the world, and circumstances. To think before I speak, control my mood swings, and humble my heart. Sometimes we do things, like I have wrangled with in the past few months and it feels like we never get anywhere. We feel defeated, worn down, and like it's all a lost cause. I can't change who I am, but I can change how I react, how I act, what I say, and how I live. Although we have some voices telling us that it can't be done, you will never change, we have some or just as many telling us we can. That's where my brother comes into play. My brother and I seem to have an odd relationship. We go awhile without talking, we aggravated with one another, we pick and choose when we get along. But despite our disagreements, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will always be in my corner. He told me today as I poured my heart out to him about what I was feeling that you have two choices. You can let people's words empower you, or imprison you. But you decide. I am thankful for my older brother. He has a lot of life experience and although he and I both aren't very tactful at times he knows what to say at the right time when he sees his baby sister hurting. I am also thankful for his wife. I don't know if people would ever have thought that I would say that, but Carrie is such a blessing to me, and she doesn't even know it. I am thankful for the provision they both give, they are my guardian angels on Earth. Not to mention I am blessed to have a beautiful free spirited nephew that they are raising to become a smart and sociable little boy. Blessed to have the family I have, blessed to be where I am today, blessed to know who I am, for now, and who I want to become. 

A little encouragement for ya :)

So until I figure all this out and fully become who I want to be, and who God has intended me to be and who He has chosen for me to be with, I am enjoying my independence. Although hard at times, it gives me more opportunities to have days like today. A day of soul searching, of learning and listening. So until the time comes, I am going to enjoy my time away from school for just a couple more weeks.