Give Thanks!

It's Thanksgiving!!!!!

As much as I like this holiday, I am already ready for Christmas. You can tell too, I started filling the empty space under the tree already.

So I was walking through Target yesterday, and I look over as I was cutting across the store, what did I see?

How awesome?! I just blogged about this the other day. What do you know? A sign stating the definition of JOY. However, I am almost positive they left out the "Joy of the Lord" part. Isn't it amazing how the Lord works? Just reminding me once again to LIVE in His JOY. Mind-Blowing.

Anyway. Have you thought about what you are thankful for? I have. My list is endless, and I would bet to say that I have left quite a few things out, by mistake of course. There just seems to be so much to be thankful for. Have you ever heard that song? It's a good one, look it up.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

I've got Joy.....I think?

Hey guys! Hope all is well wherever your neck of the woods may be. As I was talking to a really good friend, from whom I seek a lot of advice, I discovered what I was gonna talk about.

Joy. Better yet, joy versus happiness. Think about it. Are they the same thing? I didn't think so while I was sitting and pondering the subject. I find myself thinking about a lot here lately. More so than usual. Let's be honest, probably not a good thing. Anyway. So this is what I came up with.

First let's refer to Webster and see what he has to say.

Joy: feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

Happiness: the state of being happy.

See these two things are synonyms but not the same. Happiness seems to be a temporary thing, but joy seems to be more long term. When you are joyous-you feel. When you are happy you're in a state of mind. 

Now, let's leave good ol' Webster alone for a moment. James 1:12 talks about how those who endure temptations will eventually receive a crown of life that The Lord has promised. Ecclesiastes 12:14 Fear The Lord and keep his commandments. 

Now, I'm about to paraphrase a whole lot. But if you feel the desire to follow me, and maybe see how I got this feel free. 2 Timothy 2:3-13. This is what I gathered from that passage:

Be a solider. A solider in the army if God requires more than we can handle sometimes. The struggle becomes endless, our happiness becomes a faded memory. 

Happiness is freedom in ourselves. Joy is freedom in The Lord. 

Freedom. Yes freedom. The root of it all. Jesus gave us freedom, so we can be happy. But more importantly He gave us freedom so we can live in Joy. A continuous, eternal feeling-not a state of mind. 

Flesh lets us stay in a state of mind. Our soul lets us feel. 

Other verses: Hebrews 11:6, Psalms 56:3, 1 Thessalonians 5:16

"Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crownexcept by competing according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God’s word is not chained. Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory. Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him, if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful  for he cannot disown himself."-2 Timothy 2:3-13

Stuck at a CROSSroads

Hello everyone! I realize that it has been over a month since my last post. I deeply apologize. Although I have a lot of spare time-since I'm not in school-I rarely find time to post about my life. I created this blog as an outlet, so to speak. A way for me to share my thoughts and insight with the world via the intranet.

Here lately I have spent time thinking about what I am thankful for. I am taking part of the "thankful November" that always seems to take up my news feed this time of year on Facebook. This year, I decided to jump on the bandwagon. So far I have made it to day 13. Although I have missed some days, and post multiple status' it's nice to reflect on the blessings that the Lord has given me. Just to name a few, I am thankful for my salvation, my mom, my grandparents, my brother and his wife, my best friend, my home, etc. The list goes on and on, and the past few nights I have found myself laying in bed thinking about what my next thankful status would contain. Although I haven't posted a status today, I have recently really been dwelling on the idea of the cross.

We all know the story, well most of us. That God sent His only son, to die for our sins. He was born, swaddled in a manger, and grew up, showed the world all His miracles, died on a cross, rose again, and ascended. That's the short version. As you can tell I did paraphrase a bit. Let me break it down for you real quick. My favorite time of year is approaching, very quickly I might add. As all the leaves fill my yard I can hardly contain my excitement. I LOVE Christmas time. It's my absolute favorite. I love every part about it. The lights, the trees, the shopping, the music, the nativity scenes, everything. So with that comes a lot of thinking. Why do I love it so much? Here's what I came up with.
Christmas tells about the GREATEST love story ever. How God loved us so much he sent His ONLY son to die in my place.

See the manger scene is only the beginning of such a story. The wooden manger leads to the Old Rugged Cross. That's what makes it even better. The thought of the cross.

The Cross is a symbol. To me it shows the pain and the suffering that Jesus took for ME. It also shows me a sign of hope, a place for refuge. When it comes to the cross, we have two choices what we do. What we do depends on the situation we're facing, the road we travel, sometimes what decisions we have to make-the tough ones, when were stuck at a crossroads in life. We can either hide behind the cross, and allow the Lord to protect us, guide us, lead us, put us in His will. Or we can stand in front of it, defend it, fight for it, maybe even be crucified for what we believe, what we want, what we do. The cross justifies, and it defines. The beauty of it all is that it started in a manger.

"Lord, take me-something small-like the manger, and make me something great-like the cross. Hide me when needed, and grant me wisdom to know when to stand in front of the cross. I am willing to protect the cross as it protects me. Define me within the cross, as You continue to define me."

This Little Light of Mine

It has been almost a month since my last post. For those who read regularly I apologize! Allow me to give you a quick run down of my life in the past three weeks.

Lauren, my cousin, and Jonah tied the knot! It was a pleasure to stand by her side and watch as they began their new life together. A beautiful wedding was not put on hold for one moment, despite the rain, the sunflowers were bright and smiles were on every face, although the mamas shed some tears. It was a lovely day in a vineyard as two became one. I wish them nothing but wedded bliss. So thankful I got to witness true love be joined together in the love of Christ.

Later after the wedding I had a BIG decision to make. I decided to withdraw, temporarily, from nursing school. I will graduate a year later than I had planned. But it has been nice to take some time off and enjoy what seems to be passing me by quickly. I got to spend a couple days at the beach. Which was nice. I love it there. It really gives me some 'Me and God' time. To sit by the water and hear the ocean, think about how amazing God is to have created the scenery painted before me as I stare out into the water and rub my toes in the sand. Absolutely breathtaking.

I've been thinking here lately. About my walk with Christ. Although I sometimes feel that I have found my place in the will of God, sometimes my plans seem to be the least of God's worries. I heard the other day that I need to not worry about it, just do it. Let God handle the rest. That's what I need to do. Sometimes when I sit and read my Bible I don't often feel that God let the book fall open to a certain place and just pointed out what I need to see, but the other night while flipping from page to page, I began to read about being the light of the world. Then I started researching the subject. This is what I found.

• Jesus came AS a light. "Those that believe in Him shall not abide in darkness." Believe in the one who sent Him, the Father fave Him commands about what to say, what to do. Read John 12:44-50 for further explanation. 
• The Father's command is EVERLASTING LIFE. 
• Mark 4:22 says, "For nothing hidden which will not be revealed nor has anything been kept secret but it should come to light."
• Ephesians 5:8 "Once in darkness but now you ARE light the Lord." 13) "All things that are exposed are made manifest by the light."
• John 8:12 Jesus says,"I am the LIGHT of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life."
• Matthew 5:13-16 "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt loses its saltiness how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven."
• Luke 11:35 "Take heed that the light which is in you is NOT darkness"

I plan to let my little light shine as the song says. Will you agree with me? 

Around the corner

Hey guys!! I know it has been a couple of weeks since my last post.

School is in full swing, a little bit faster than before. Between a crammed weekend of clinical days and work I have found little time to log on.

Around the corner in the next week or so here's what I am expecting:

• Picking out wedding programs for Lauren's upcoming wedding
• Final touches of my bridesmaid's dress (including jewelry to complete the look)
• Getting my nails done, which is my absolute favorite!
• Turning in a project
• Studying :(
• Paperwork for school
• Work
• Clinical time

My last post regarded me still trying to find my place in this big world. Although I'm still searching for my exact hole to fill I have heard from multiple people some encouraging words.

A co-worker told me she felt that the ER was for sure where I was supposed to be.A patient told me I just look like a nurse. Not really sure what that means, but I wasn't going to question her.  I'll pause for a second. It takes a special heart or qualities to work in healthcare. It takes motivation. Although it's very mentally and physically exhausting sometimes we feel like we don't work in vain.

That moment sorta justified my career choice.

Although I'm still in search of God's great plan I will lean on Him rather than my own understanding. 

Thankful for everything, today. Even the little blessings.

Happy Tuesday!!

Help me find it.

I know it's been awhile! Let me fill you in :)

So school has started back. My calendar is in full swing between working every weekend, clinical hours, and classroom time. My social life is back to a minimum. Such an adjustment after a month off of school.

Between all the hustle and bustle of my crazy life I have still been able to balance sushi dates with my best friend, quality time with my grandparents, and the occasion movie on Tuesday night (only because its $5 at the local theater).

I have realized, especially since the beginning of Nursing School and having a Big Girl job, that I sometimes do not really handle stress that well. I am so high strung. However, I do a pretty good job of keeping it together, at school, or work. But as soon as I bust through my back door at home my sweet mother and other close relatives feel the full force of my dismay.

A lot of times I find myself doubting where I am in life. Where am I? Why am I here? What in the world is going on?! I feel like on occasion I finally see God's will for my life, and then it's gone. Like maybe I really didn't find out what it was just caught a glimpse of what I think it may be.

Rocky Soil

I know that it has been a very long time since my last blog post. Strap on your seat belts, because I have a lot of experiences to share. Again, I have been working, and enjoying my time off from school which is quickly drawing to a close.

My cousin, Lauren, which I previously mentioned had her second bridal shower. It was a beautiful sunny day with cupcakes, utensils to fill their new home, and tons of food. I love showers. Baby showers, bridal showers, actually showers, and sometimes rain showers. Lauren had a great day, and I did too. I enjoy our time together, especially when our other family members are there. I can't believe that it's almost time for her to be married. Looking forward to the unity that she and Jonah will cherish.

During this summer, I have been working and just spending time around here. I was looking forward to a beach trip with my best friend, but our plans got cancelled and I was so bummed that I wouldn't get to squish my toes in the sand. Luckily, I got to go with her anyway. I worked all night then slept for a couple hours then ventured to the beach to spend two days with her, her family, and the sandy beach and salt water. I love the beach. The simplicity of it. The sound of the waves crashing on the shore, the solitude it offers at night as you walk by the water guided by the moonlight. Anyway, as usual she and I had a blast together. It brought back many memories of our beach trips we took as young highschoolers. Sadly, our trip ended too fast and we headed back home to our jobs, families, and reality. As I was sitting on the beach and my feet engrossed in the sand, I began to think about how great our God is. That He knows how many grains of sand is on the beach. It was amazing to sit and ponder. I left the beach and then left the next day for a three day mission trip to West Virginia. This was my second time going to WV on a mission trip, last time it was just to a different county. This time, I had NO phone service, and we encountered some of the poorest conditions I have ever in my life seen. I spent three days getting closer to God. Closer to my teammates, about 90% of which I didn't know. It's trips like those that make you bond, in a hurry. It makes you do some serious soul searching. It was a great learning experience and growing opportunity in my relationship with Christ. Its amazing to think that even if it was just ME in the entire world, He would have still died in my place. MY sin held Him on the cross. We can't phantom His love for us, or the plans He has for our lives. Completely in awe of the glory of God. Awesome.

Today, I got off work at 7 am., went to breakfast with some coworkers and drove to school to pay my tuition and register for classes. I stopped at the ATM to withdraw some cash, because my car was telling me that if I didn't stop soon, I would be walking home. So I withdrew $60. Then I thought, it's going to take more than that to fill my below empty tank. So I searched and searched for some extra singles that would make up the difference. I found $4. So I had a total of $64. I drove as fast as possible to the nearest gas station, luckily it was the cheapest, and I pulled up the pump in a rush. I thought sometimes my gas guzzler likes to take almost 70 to fill up. I began to pray, I said, "Lord, please do not let this run over sixty four dollars." Although my prayer or thoughts weren't as sincere as I needed them to be, I got out of the car, pressed UNLEADED and began to refuel. I got busy washing my windshield, staring at the people next to me, contemplating if I wanted a 79 cent cold drink and then my heart sank. I forgot to monitor the ongoing gas pump. Suddenly, I heard the magic click. It stopped. At first I was scared to look, but I gathered up some courage. Gas pump read $63.76. I could have burst into tears. Sure, you can call it luck, or consequence but I knew that it was a sign that God had been faithful to me. God answers prayers, sometimes He doesn't and that's the real answer. He works in mysterious ways, but ALWAYS to our benefit.

My new friend Maggie!

 Carrie and Lashay

 Wilma. The FIRST person I ever led to the Cross.

My wonderful teammates Family

When sharing the gospel, we sometimes encounter people who are not receptive to the good news. It's sometimes hard to leave our own agenda at the door, and trust that all we are called to do is plant the seed. God will take care of the rest. We are sometimes challenged when sharing the word. It's easier to plant a seed in cooperative moist dirt than it is to try to do so in rocky soil, which seems impossible to till. 

1 Corinthians 3:6-8

Matthew 13 1:23

Crickets and Curtains

I hardly ever get a chance to blog two days in a row. I'm so excited!! Today I spent time with one of my very best friends shopping, talking about our problems, confiding in one another, and then of course talking about her upcoming wedding. We talked about the decorations that I wanted to put in my house. The curtains that I want desperately to make out of bed sheets. (I found the idea on Pinterest) I went to church tonight and the preacher called me out of the crowd to get up and sing. So throughout the day I have had some excitement between the clearance sales at the mall and the abrupt change in plans at church. When I came home around 8:00, I walked inside slowly, taking in all the sights up to the back door. The sun hadn't quite set yet, so I got to enjoy the semi-blue sky, freshly cut very green grass, and my puppies running around at my feet. Later when I went to lock the door and shuffle a dog from in to out, I closed the screen door and waited before shutting the back door. I waited, I listened. I heard crickets by the tons. I was amazed at the song that God created right outside my back door. It was awesome to stand and listen. As I set here and type word by word, I can hear those crickets, over the TV, over my fingers quickly taping away, and over my mother practicing her Dobro.

When I stop and think about all of God's creation, it absolutely blows my mind. That he didn't just create one bird to fly. He created tons, all different shapes, sizes, colors. All the different types of trees, flowers, bugs, animals, and people. He took the time to create each and every one. AMAZING.

Sometimes, we think about who we want to be, and who we think we should become, and we don't yield or think about the person that God has commanded us to become.

6 So I ask you to make full use of the gift that God gave you when I placed my hands on you, use it well. 7 God’s Spirit doesn't make cowards out of us. The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.8 Don’t be ashamed to speak for our Lord. And don’t be ashamed of me, just because I am in jail for serving him. Use the power that comes from God and join with me in suffering for telling the good news. God saved us and chose us to be his holy people. We did nothing to deserve this, but God planned it because he is so kind. Even before time began. God planned for Christ Jesus  to show kindness to us. Now Christ Jesus has come to show us the kindness of God. Christ our Savior defeated death and brought us the good news. It shines like a light and offers life that never ends.11 My work is to be a preacher, an apostle, and a teacher.12 That’s why I am suffering now. But I am not ashamed! I know the one I have faith in, and I am sure that he can guard until the last day what he has trusted me with.13 Now follow the example of the correct teaching I gave you, and let the faith and love of Christ Jesus be your model. 14 You have been trusted with a wonderful treasure. Guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit, who lives within you.-2 Timothy 1:6-14

Quesadillas and Frozen Yogurt.

Since it has been a while since my last post I have experienced a few things.

• My cousin, who's like my sister, have her FIRST bridal shower
• Seeing my best friend for the first time in two years
• Realizing parts of myself
• Getting closer to my brother
• Experiencing independence more deeply

Let's start from the beginning. My cousin, Lauren, is about three years older than me. Although growing up we weren't really that close we connected about 5 years ago and have been thick as thieves ever since. It just so happens that she gets to marry her soul mate in just a couple of months. I get the privilege to be apart of her special day and stand in as her Maid of Honor. Saturday was her first bridal and I got to be apart of it. It was awesome to see the support she has for her upcoming nuptials. So happy for her and Jonah as they begin this next chapter in life. 

 My contribution to the food table :)

 Bride to be!

Megan and I met in the third grade. I remember the day we met. Standing in the bathroom, she had a Duke hair bow pinned in her hair. Our friendship continued into high school. Our senior year she decided to graduate early and missed a semester with us, as she moved to New York to be with her family. Little did we know that NY would keep our precious outspoken Megan past graduation. I saw her that summer, and then it became talking when we had the chance, between work and school, and our social lives elsewhere. Skype became a useful tool, and although our Skype dates where few and far between we filled the holes with long phone calls and texts. She came home this week and we all met up at our usual booth at the local Mexican restaurant and enjoyed frozen yogurt afterwards. As Megan came through the door, I held back tears as I hugged her for the first time in two years. I hardly knew it was her from her blonde hair and New York accent she has seemed to pick up. We all just picked up where we left off. Laughing around the table, enjoying company, a little gossip, a lot of laughs, and a lot of sad see-you-laters at the end of the night. It's hard losing someone you have been so close to. Not that we lost her, but had to go without seeing her radiant smile everyday at school. I miss high school sometimes. Not the drama, or the rules, but the fun, the simplicity of it all. It was EASY. I miss seeing my friends everyday, and enjoying that responsibilities were minimal. 

Great night, with great friends!

It seems that when you try to change for the better, life always provides someone to tear down your empire you've struggled to build. I have tried for the past nine months or so to become a better person. To not be so angry at the world, and circumstances. To think before I speak, control my mood swings, and humble my heart. Sometimes we do things, like I have wrangled with in the past few months and it feels like we never get anywhere. We feel defeated, worn down, and like it's all a lost cause. I can't change who I am, but I can change how I react, how I act, what I say, and how I live. Although we have some voices telling us that it can't be done, you will never change, we have some or just as many telling us we can. That's where my brother comes into play. My brother and I seem to have an odd relationship. We go awhile without talking, we aggravated with one another, we pick and choose when we get along. But despite our disagreements, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he will always be in my corner. He told me today as I poured my heart out to him about what I was feeling that you have two choices. You can let people's words empower you, or imprison you. But you decide. I am thankful for my older brother. He has a lot of life experience and although he and I both aren't very tactful at times he knows what to say at the right time when he sees his baby sister hurting. I am also thankful for his wife. I don't know if people would ever have thought that I would say that, but Carrie is such a blessing to me, and she doesn't even know it. I am thankful for the provision they both give, they are my guardian angels on Earth. Not to mention I am blessed to have a beautiful free spirited nephew that they are raising to become a smart and sociable little boy. Blessed to have the family I have, blessed to be where I am today, blessed to know who I am, for now, and who I want to become. 

A little encouragement for ya :)

So until I figure all this out and fully become who I want to be, and who God has intended me to be and who He has chosen for me to be with, I am enjoying my independence. Although hard at times, it gives me more opportunities to have days like today. A day of soul searching, of learning and listening. So until the time comes, I am going to enjoy my time away from school for just a couple more weeks. 

Carolina Friday Nights

I really enjoy summertime. Despite the insane heat we sometimes get around here, and the excessive amount of rain we have received this year, it's fun to let loose and enjoy time with friends. Although I have had to endure a semester of nursing school this summer, and seem to work all the time, I have managed to find ways to "let my hair down" and change out of my brown or black scrubs that I seem to have to wash three times a week.

Usually I spend time with my best friend who lives about ten minutes away, or I spend some quality time, learning and listening, with my grandparents, or I spend a day doing whatever I please. Luckily, I got the opportunity to see Luke Bryan in concert last night. It was a blast!! I saw him last year when he played with Jason Aldean, but I was so happy to get to go again. Country music is big where I come from, and you can tell that it was a hit due to the sold out concert and the packed amphitheater, last night underneath the clear sky that was illuminated by the stage lights.  I went with one of my best friends from high school and then met up with a couple of guys who are like my little brothers. It was great. I love concerts, especially in the summer time. Thank goodness we got to enjoy it without a drop of rain! After 19 days in a row of rain around here, that was a relief. However, we had lawn seats, which are fine, but maybe not so much when you stand the ENTIRE time, with wedge shoes on. Needless to say, today my back hurts, my feet hurt, my head hurts, and I am exhausted. Staying up until 4 am will do that to ya. It's Carolina nights like last night that I live for at my age. Despite the smell of alcohol, cigarette smoke, and other substances at the concert last night and every other drunk person running into you, it makes the $25 ticket worth while. I'm so happy to call myself a person who was born and raised enjoying Friday nights in the Carolina's. It can all be summarized into just a short couple sentences. Where I'm from, it's about Jesus, family, friends who are family, country music, Chevrolet's, and the Tar heels.

Here's some pictures from last night

 My big little brothers

 On our way!

So much fun!!

Find something that you enough as much as I love my Carolina Friday nights!

Have a great weekend!!

Birthdays, Birthdays, Birthdays

This past week has been full of birthdays. I am going to hit the high points of this past week, since my last post.

July 4th: America's birthday!! I am so proud to be an American. I love this country. I am thankful for the men and women who have sacrificed so much so that I can live in freedom everyday. So to all the veterans, those serving now, and those who sign the dotted line to put your lives on the line for us, thank you! The fourth of July is interesting around my neck of the woods. Where I live, we have a parade every year. In my small down right in front of the elementary school. This year marked the 53rd parade. What a tradition it is to come listen to all types of music, mostly bluegrass, see everyone you know, and stand in the heat while you watch all the fire trucks and tractors pass by. My family does concessions every year, so my day consisted of cotton candy and shaved ice, and then a hurricane. A downpour ended our day of sales. Which to me, was not a disappointment. I love my family but I can only stand so much of unorganized, crazy busy business days with them. I concluded my Independence day by watching fireworks in town with my best friend and her crazy family, then riding home down the boulevard in the back of her dad's pickup truck, it's been awhile since I was brave enough to do something like that. Despite my young age, it took me back to Hannah and myself's crazy memories from high school. That girl is for sure my "ride or die" we've been through a lot together, but she's always there for me. We have had some fun times together and I can't wait to see what the future holds for our friendship.

I worked the weekend, and luckily got to go to church on Sunday for the first time in quiet a while.

Yesterday, July 8th, was my sweet pawpaw's birthday. Let me tell you about him. He has been like my father. I love that man more than anyone on the planet. He has been there for me and I have no idea who I would be without him. He has helped mold me into the woman I am today and teach me things about life that I couldn't learn elsewhere. God broke the mold when He made him, for sure.

Today, school was full of teaching projects, most of which were hilarious. With the OB/PEDS semester you can imagine what took place. I'll let you figure that one out :) My group taught swaddling, and our pigs in a blanket were a success for sure, but then again, free food is always a hit.

Anyway, as you can tell my week has been jampacked and still full of excitement. Have a good week!

FINALLY!!

I worked ALL weekend. Today was my last clinical day of the summer semester. Goodness. As much as I love holding babies, swaddling them, and hoping they don't spit up on me I am glad that I am now free on Tuesdays. Temporarily that is. My classmates are somewhat shocked that I have a blog. Although they can't see the expressive, serious side of me often, I hope they sit down and read it. Let me tell you about them, Stacy is the most southern fun loving girl with a humble heart and a killer accent. Shannon, goodness I just love her, we share that same sarcastic sense of humor that few understand, I am glad to have someone that understands me. Daniel, the only guy, is a Newwww Yorrrrkkkker, with a thick Italian background and a love for mozzarella cheese. Allison, is funny, and super smart, and laughs at everything. Chanda, is so hilarious, I love when she's around. Lindsey is funny and apparently brave since she wants to be a psych nurse. Laura is a sweet lady with her babies at home and her love for the babies in the nursery. I think I got everyone? I love those people! I am very lucky that I have become close with some of the best soon to be nurses there is.

Today I spent my last clinical day in the special care nursery. I sat and held a baby for at least an hour and a half. It was immediate the love I had for a child that I had never met before. It's amazing what a little person can do to your heart strings. Sadly, I had to put the child back in the bassinet and walk away. That's what I like right now. Being able to give children back. I certainly want a child someday, but no time soon. I hope that I can be as good a mother that my mom was and is to me. I have really been thinking lately about how much I love my family. Blood is thicker than water, I have heard it all my life. However, sometimes your own blood won't have your back. I am grateful today, for my sweet and beautiful mother, my protective responsible OLDER brother, my witty grandfather, my humble grandmother, my lime-green loving sister in law, my simple life cousin, my preacher uncle, my fun loving nephew, and many others that fill up my continuously growing, crazy, family tree. I am also grateful for my friends, my best friend, who loves every minute of life and lives it to the fullest, my friend who speaks her mind without any reservations, my friend who you sometimes can't read, because even if she doesn't like it she'll do it anyway. My best friend who despite her sailor mouth, speaks the kindest words when needed. They have become my blood. I grew up knowing that it didn't matter who was around the table at supper time they were family, it didn't matter if they needed a place to stay the door was always open.

Anyways, I have been falling behind on my blogging, and for those that enjoy reading it I apologize, and those that don't I'm sorry you don't have good taste haha, just kidding.

For now, I am going to spend some time with my best friend, having a girls night in. Need some girl time to talk and laugh, share secrets and indulge in ice cream. Happy Tuesday!!

Food for thought: Were there bats on the Ark?

Lately..

I have really been spacing out my blog entries. Trust me, it's not because I don't have anything to write about, just no spare time to do it.

Busy week, as usual. This week hopefully will allow me more time to slow down and enjoy what life has to offer. Sometimes we, and myself included, get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that we take a lot for granted. Life seems to just be passing me by. Sad part is, I realize it and yet I have done the minimal to try and change it. My excuse seems to be that I stay busy with my three hobbies: school, work, sleep.

As I sat and watched my uncle be ordained last night, and I listened as the preacher gave his message to the congregation I began to think about how much I have prayed that God would reveal his plans for me, to me. Today, I sat down and looked at some pictures from my Africa trip that was about 6 months ago. It's ridiculous how much I miss that place. I can't get over it. I just keep hoping and praying that I am led where I need to go.

Since it's been a while...

It has been a week since my last blog post. I told you, I can be slack! Of course my only excuse is that I have been super busy, and I hope I make this post a good one because this week is going to be just as crazy.

So since my last post nothing has really changed in my life. Although, my boyfriend and I mutually agreed that it would be best if we no longer dated anymore, so sadly that chapter in my life has came to a close. I wish him nothing but the best and I am thankful for the time he and I had together.

I just can't seem to get over that cliche quote, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It does. Every single thing that happens to us has a purpose, every person we encounter has a reason.

Not much is new, still snuggling babies on Tuesdays, working like crazy, studying when I can, and putting off English papers as much as possible.

Glad that's over!

I don't know about you, but I am happy to see that the gardens are starting to produce some of my favorites. I ate some fresh garden squash and cucumbers at my grandmas house today, and then had watermelon at home. Summer is in full swing around here. I also realized something, you know what I like about summer rain? Nothing at all. It just makes it humid, and my naturally curly hair doesn't follow the rules. Anyway, I'm glad for change, it's refreshing no matter what. I take that back, the nice thing about rain is it eases the mind, especially when you want to sleep :) and it gives me a sense that no matter what God controls things and can wash it away, just like our sin.

This past weekend has been crazy, and as badly as I wanted to blog and vent I didn't seem to get a chance. Here's what has happened to me since my last post.

Friday: Crazy day decorating for a wedding, and getting nails, fulfilling all my bridesmaid duties, and of course enduring a rehearsal where all the boys wanted to do was do nothing but joke around.

Myself and the Bride to be :)

Valerie and I met in middle school, and our friendship carried into high school where we had some classes together and spent many nights in my room staying up late, sharing secrets, and on occasion making grilled cheeses. She and Mitchell started dating when we were sophomores, and he was a junior. They got married this weekend and it was a beautiful wedding, I wish them nothing but the best and I am so glad they FINALLY tied the knot. I was honored to stand beside her as she married her high school sweetheart. Although it was a great day, I'm glad it's behind us, the stress was too much for me!

There's a sneak peek!

So Saturday was a BUSY day full of hair, makeup, pictures, sweating in a dress, talking, catching up, posing, and seeing two people who love one another become one.

Sunday, my other best friend celebrated her one year anniversary to her hubby, so wishing Hannah and Preston many more years of wedded bliss. 

I'm telling ya, although I'm overjoyed for my friends, I am enjoying life right now, no husband, definitely no kids, and really a lot of freedom. It's nice. I like being me. I like who I am becoming, I think. 

Isn't it funny how things work out? That God has a plan for each and every one of us. It's amazing. He's loves us so much to specifically plan something for all of us individually, and intends to allow us to follow through with His plan. I keep praying and seeking God's will for my life, and hopefully He will show me, and give the patience to wait until He does so. 

Who am I?

I have to say, I am proud of myself for keeping up with my blog :)

When I came home today I was tired and sweaty, from the 9 hours at work then the 15 minutes in the tanning bed. I know, I know. I should not be laying in the tanning bed. Butttttt my excuse it that my best friend is getting married and I cannot stand to look super pale standing beside her :) anyway, I was getting in the shower and of course I started singing by this time and the only song that came to mind was Who Am I. Here take a listen. 

Randomly started singing this song. Then I thought to myself, you know God doesn't do "random" things. I realized quickly that I needed to jump back into reality, quickly. I immediately felt convicted. God chose me. Why? I don't have a clue. But isn't it wonderful? The love of such a savior. I stand amazed. You know, at one point in my life I had  a very "forced" relationship with Christ. Not fake necessarily but forced. Not what it should be by any means.

Do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do? I am one of those Everything happens for a reason people. Everything is so different right now and sometimes I just stop and think about it. How things would be if they didn't change months ago. But everything happens for a reason, I'm just waiting to find out the purpose. 

One of my favorite quotes :)

See you guys later!

While I'm thinking about it

I don't know about you, but I LOVE the show Duck Dynasty. Found this hilarious video, thought I'd share.
Hope you get a laugh, and have a great rest of the week!

Do you ever wonder?

I have had a lot on my mind the past couple of days. I am a thinker. Hold on, let me rephrase that, I am a OVER thinker. A worrier if you must. Do you ever have so many thoughts in your head, you feel like you can't even get them all straight? That's me right now, actually for the past few days. So I'm going to apologize in advance for skipping from place to place. I hope by blogging I can get some things in order.

What is love? To me love is not a feeling or an emotion, but more of a way to have a functional relationship. We all love differently. Which is probably not a bad thing. See I am not a super affectionate person. I can do fine by myself, and I probably enjoy my independence too much. However, some people need a lot of love. Not attention, but love. So when they are not given all they may "need" then they may be left feeling empty so to speak. But they might feel that way because they are giving all they have and feel that someone like myself doesn't give it all back. But when I give my all I do it in different ways. Thank goodness we're all different. The greatest love story ever is John 3:16. The fact the God Almighty loved us so much that he gave us the one thing He loved more than anything. I wish that I could love selflessly. Pretty sure that it will be a life goal of mine.

My job is stressful, super stressful. Monday I worked for four hours, and seriously number one, Mondays are terrible anyways, and it was awful! Working in the ER you see a lot of people who's chief complaint should be "complains too much." Although I'm thankful to have a job, sometimes I wish that I could not have to work, not have to do all these things, but I realize that the fact that I have had a job since 14, it has made me the person I am today, and I am so glad.

I had clinical Tuesday. We recently started our OB/PEDS rotation in nursing school. After enduring those four hours on Monday, let me tell you, it was great to hold and snuggle with some innocent newborns. Although we were told to leave  our judgmental attitudes at the door, it was hard. We all have our own opinions. Where I live, there's a very diverse sense of life. However, I couldn't get a grip on the fact that some mothers were younger than me. I couldn't imagine having a baby at my age. But I just pray that those parents make selfless decisions and choose to make a great life for their little baby.

Holding those babies took me back to holding that little baby in Africa, and falling in love within just a minute. I love babies, I love the innocence they have, their small fingers and little toes, it makes life complete.

My little African Love :)

Weekend Memories

Again, this weekend has been a little busy. I spent Friday night with my boyfriend and his sweet family. They are so funny. Since I am the baby of my family it's interesting to be around younger kids. His youngest sister and I seem to be very similar. I remember being her age and being a drama queen. Anyway, Saturday we went to breakfast with one of our very close friends then to Lake Norman with my best friend and her fiance.

Anyway, it was a great weekend. Although I ended it with 8 hours in the ER (work).

Hope everyone has a great week! I don't know about you but my week is going to be BUSY! So my blogging may be a little slack! :)

Let me fill you in...

I realize that my blog posts may be a little long. So I do apologize. I just want to share something.

Today, I was reminded yet again that life is so short. So unpredictable. I mean can you imagine being middle age and have everything summed up for you in a few words that tell you that you have a terminal illness. Then you spend your time in the hospital no matter what the reason is. I just can't imagine. I am young, yes, but I really need to learn to appreciate each and everyday.

I don't know about you but my life is changing a whole lot. My life has changed a lot in the past year. It's crazy to think about. However, I'm glad to be where I am. I never thought I would be here, and it has been a challenge, but I sure feel that one day it'll be worth the fight.

Life is precious, our days are numbered for sure. I want to make sure I make them count.

The past few days..

My weekends are usually pretty jam packed with work, or schoolwork or family gatherings. Working in the emergency room it's sometimes hard to feel like you are making a difference. Between the hectic flow, the crowded waiting room, and sometimes an endless to-do list it's hard, if not impossible to love your job. 

It's even harder to come across patients that truly appreciate what your doing for them, for the community. Sometimes a couple 12 hour shifts can really do you in. However, a couple weeks ago I came across a patient and spent about an hour in their room. When I left that night I knew that was my ah-ha moment. I felt for the first time in a long time that what I was doing there was not in vain. 

So yesterday, again, I felt like I made a difference. It wasn't work related but I still felt like that what I did may have made a difference if not then, but eventually. 

Lately I have really been thinking about what I wanna do with my life. Things I want to accomplish. At the age of 19 I went to Africa. I mentioned that in my previously post. Not a day goes by that I don't think about that place. The sand/dirt, the faces of small children and a sweet little baby that took my heart in just a few minutes. It's not about what we do sometimes, but how we do it. How much we put behind it. Put your whole heart into it. Go 110% even if you don't want to. Because to someone you are making a difference. 

Let's Do This!

Welcome to my blog :)

Please, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lesley. I am a very busy young adult. My full planner includes nursing school, work, and of course my minuscule social life. Before you read anymore let me start out with honesty. I'm probably going to end up being the worst blogger ever. I will forget and not update for months. The point is, though, that I will try to keep you updated on the oh so exciting events in my life and post when I can.

I'm glad I got that off my chest. See, I like to write. Sometimes. As long as it's not papers due in English class. I want to share my story with you, if you will allow me to. Here's the deal; we ALL have a story. Some good, some bad, some happy, some...haha, you thought I was going to say sad, didn't you? Well I'm not Dr. Seuss, so some ugly. How bout that? Anyways, the point is our lives are an ongoing story. Filled with all sorts of chapters. The greatest novel anyone can write is one about themselves. Unless they're terribly boring. My life over the past twenty years has been most comparable to a roller coaster. So hop in, strap on a seat belt and get ready for a ride. Hold on tight, and keep up! By the way, it's not the worst story, and it may not be interesting to you, but it's MINE. My story, my journey, my big puzzle of life, and I'm still searching for the pieces.

At a very young age, I'm talking toddler status, I became the product of a broken home. Let's pause for a moment. Broken. Such a strong word. In a nutshell it means destroyed, tattered, sometimes beyond repair, but my home wasn't irreparable, the lives inside of it were. The roof wasn't leaking, the windows weren't shattered, the floors didn't sink, and the pipes didn't burst. Here's what was broken though. The thought of fidelity, the loyalty was gone, the love was diminished, and the deeds punishable. (Insert trust issues here). So I grew up, a child of divorced parents, of parents who couldn't be in the same room. Then my fairy tale starts. Sure, there were tough times, but Cinderella didn't have it easy, remember? My mother, my sweet mother, married a man who was her one of a kind soul mate. She is one of the lucky people that gets to spend time with someone that God made just for her. Going from a lifestyle where your mom busted her tail to make ends meet as a single parent, to a child with a lavish sense of living is a little bit of a change. Glenn (moms soul mate) was a provider, a lover, a great man of God. My older brother is almost 10 years older than me. So as an adolescent I was like an only child. Which was great, because I got a lot of things I asked for. Yes, I know, another spoiled child. Anyway, God decided that He needed Glenn more than we did. On a March Monday morning Glenn gained entrance into heaven, and our home as never been the same. Sometime went by and mom decided it was time for her to marry again. Although I was against the whole thing. My brother had already introduced another family member (my sister-in-law) Yeah, I was against that one too. However, mom and David have determined that it is better to no longer hold a union of marriage. Oh I left a part out-my junior year of high school my mom, who was running a construction company, had to put our house, my childhood home, up for sale. A piece of me died that day. The day I said farewell to our custom built 5,000 square foot home and said hello to a single wide trailer in the middle of the sun. I'm not saying it's all in what you have. But what an adjustment I had to make. By this time I had started dating someone who I was madly in love with, already. A guy I had known for quite sometime had made his way back into my life, and boy was I glad. Through all this I starting working at a little hole in the wall country store in the heart of my hometown. Unionville Service and Grocery, aka, Jim Baucoms, aka GOSSIP CENTRAL. I learned a lot working there. How to make pizzas, how to deal with customers, how to sell cigarettes to underage-oh wait, I better leave that out. Anyways my life lessons had really started to pile up. So I graduate high school, and start my career as a college student. I got a job in the ER at a local hospital and that always keeps me on my toes. I was the youngest person in my department, probably in the hospital. I got accepted into nursing school, and have made my way thus far with C's :).

I said all that to say this, in the past year I have really wondered who I am as me. Sounds crazy I know. I became so tangled up in my relationship, with previously said boy, and who I needed to become without ever knowing who I was. So I decided to find out. Our relationship ended, and then I really did not have a clue in the world. That brings me to this-I knew Jesus, but I never experienced it for myself. When you have hit rock bottom, we sometimes discover it is because He's the rock at the bottom we need to stand on. I decided to go to Africa. A lot of things took place, some in which I don't care to share. But know this-you have to know who YOU are in CHRIST and what your place is in kingdom of God before you and be anything or anybody to anyone else. You follow me? I wish I would have found that out sooner, but the beauty of it all is that God works things out for our benefit. All the time.

I have titled my blog He Walks With Me. Ever heard the song Sheltered in the Arms of God? Look it up. See, I just brushed over my story, just gave a glimpse. Hope you have enjoyed it and if you read the whole thing, you are for sure my new favorite person. The point is-Through it All, He walked and is still walking with me. I'd rather walk in the dark with Jesus, than without Him in the light.