I realize that it has been quite some time since my last post. As always, I apologize. Let me try to pick up where I left off. First there was Christmas, my favorite holiday. Family time, lights, music, everything; and then a few shifts at work. I said goodbye to 2013 with a few mixed emotions, but all in all, thankful for another year of life.
As 2014 has begun, I have once again tried to take a step back and take a gander at my life. More importantly, what was missing. Have you ever just thought long and hard about what you wanted. What you REALLY wanted? I have. I have realized that although we sometimes feel stuck in a rut, it's really okay. It's okay to not know the answers, to ask questions, to be curious, to love endlessly, and sometimes just spend time alone. It's okay to have bad days, but it's even better to realize the good ones.
It's like I had a very long overdue epiphany. I know my faults. In fact I am for sure my worst critic. I always think that I don't work hard enough-so I work more, and then I'm exhausted. I think about how I have been in college for over three years, and have very little to show for it. How I keep saying it's time to hit the gym, but never do. How I tell myself that I will stop have a negative attitude, or be nicer to every person I encounter, but in reality, it rarely happens. Let me skip to my epiphany part. God knows me down to my core. He created me in such a way that is unique to any other person on the planet. He made me, for me. Not to please anyone else, not to work myself to death, not to worry about my outer image, not to be concerned solely about my education or how much money I make every two weeks; but to be apart of something so much bigger than all of that. HE made ME. Despite my faults, He created beauty from ashes. MY ashes, became something greater in HIS image.
Are you following me? I know it seems like I am rambling. See yesterday was Valentine's Day. One of the most dreaded days for single people like me. For a second yesterday I threw myself a little pity party, and I mean little. Before I was quickly snapped back into reality, I sat and thought about how I signed up for an extra shift because I had nothing better to do, and how I was so lonely, and blah blah blah, no one loves me, why am I single, blah blah blah. Then I thought why do I want to celebrate a day that is so commercialized and blown out of proportion. I would rather someone deliver flowers to work just because than on an obligatory day like 2/14. We need to tell people we love them everyday, not just make up for the other 364 one day a year. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be shown love on Valentine's. But love is way more than chocolate and roses. It's about laying down one's life for someone you love, it's about doing everything you can to show someone who may ignore just how much you love them. Love isn't one day a year, love is Jesus.
I am so thankful that God loved me enough that He did so much for me even before I knew Him, and even when I decided to reject Him. I am so thankful for His sovereignty. for his mercy, grace, and most importantly His love. I can do nothing that will separate me from the love of Christ. Isn't that amazing to know? What a comfort. The love of God absolutely blows my mind. "What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer"