Friday, February 14, 2014

Love day

I realize that it has been quite some time since my last post. As always, I apologize. Let me try to pick up where I left off. First there was Christmas, my favorite holiday. Family time, lights, music, everything; and then a few shifts at work. I said goodbye to 2013 with a few mixed emotions, but all in all, thankful for another year of life.

As 2014 has begun, I have once again tried to take a step back and take a gander at my life. More importantly, what was missing. Have you ever just thought long and hard about what you wanted. What you REALLY wanted? I have. I have realized that although we sometimes feel stuck in a rut, it's really okay. It's okay to not know the answers, to ask questions, to be curious, to love endlessly, and sometimes just spend time alone. It's okay to have bad days, but it's even better to realize the good ones.

It's like I had a very long overdue epiphany. I know my faults. In fact I am for sure my worst critic. I always think that I don't work hard enough-so I work more, and then I'm exhausted. I think about how I have been in college for over three years, and have very little to show for it. How I keep saying it's time to hit the gym, but never do. How I tell myself that I will stop have a negative attitude, or be nicer to every person I encounter, but in reality, it rarely happens. Let me skip to my epiphany part. God knows me down to my core. He created me in such a way that is unique to any other person on the planet. He made me, for me. Not to please anyone else, not to work myself to death, not to worry about my outer image, not to be concerned solely about my education or how much money I make every two weeks; but to be apart of something so much bigger than all of that. HE made ME. Despite my faults, He created beauty from ashes. MY ashes, became something greater in HIS image.

Are you following me? I know it seems like I am rambling. See yesterday was Valentine's Day. One of the most dreaded days for single people like me. For a second yesterday I threw myself a little pity party, and I mean little. Before I was quickly snapped back into reality, I sat and thought about how I signed up for an extra shift because I had nothing better to do, and how I was so lonely, and blah blah blah, no one loves me, why am I single, blah blah blah. Then I thought why do I want to celebrate a day  that is so commercialized and blown out of proportion. I  would rather someone deliver flowers to work just because than on an obligatory day like 2/14. We need to tell people we love them everyday, not just make up for the other 364 one day a year. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be shown love on Valentine's. But love is way more than chocolate and roses. It's about laying down one's life for someone you love, it's about doing everything you can to show someone who may ignore just how much you love them. Love isn't one day a year, love is Jesus.

I am so thankful that God loved me enough that He did so much for me even before I knew Him, and even when I decided to reject Him. I am so thankful for His sovereignty. for his mercy, grace, and most importantly His love. I can do nothing that will separate me from the love of Christ. Isn't that amazing to know? What a comfort. The love of God absolutely blows my mind. "What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer"

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Give Thanks!

It's Thanksgiving!!!!!

As much as I like this holiday, I am already ready for Christmas. You can tell too, I started filling the empty space under the tree already.

So I was walking through Target yesterday, and I look over as I was cutting across the store, what did I see?
How awesome?! I just blogged about this the other day. What do you know? A sign stating the definition of JOY. However, I am almost positive they left out the "Joy of the Lord" part. Isn't it amazing how the Lord works? Just reminding me once again to LIVE in His JOY. Mind-Blowing.

Anyway. Have you thought about what you are thankful for? I have. My list is endless, and I would bet to say that I have left quite a few things out, by mistake of course. There just seems to be so much to be thankful for. Have you ever heard that song? It's a good one, look it up.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I've got Joy.....I think?

Hey guys! Hope all is well wherever your neck of the woods may be. As I was talking to a really good friend, from whom I seek a lot of advice, I discovered what I was gonna talk about.

Joy. Better yet, joy versus happiness. Think about it. Are they the same thing? I didn't think so while I was sitting and pondering the subject. I find myself thinking about a lot here lately. More so than usual. Let's be honest, probably not a good thing. Anyway. So this is what I came up with.

First let's refer to Webster and see what he has to say.

Joy: feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
Happiness: the state of being happy.

See these two things are synonyms but not the same. Happiness seems to be a temporary thing, but joy seems to be more long term. When you are joyous-you feel. When you are happy you're in a state of mind. 

Now, let's leave good ol' Webster alone for a moment. James 1:12 talks about how those who endure temptations will eventually receive a crown of life that The Lord has promised. Ecclesiastes 12:14 Fear The Lord and keep his commandments. 

Now, I'm about to paraphrase a whole lot. But if you feel the desire to follow me, and maybe see how I got this feel free. 2 Timothy 2:3-13. This is what I gathered from that passage:
Be a solider. A solider in the army if God requires more than we can handle sometimes. The struggle becomes endless, our happiness becomes a faded memory. 

Happiness is freedom in ourselves. Joy is freedom in The Lord. 
Freedom. Yes freedom. The root of it all. Jesus gave us freedom, so we can be happy. But more importantly He gave us freedom so we can live in Joy. A continuous, eternal feeling-not a state of mind. 

Flesh lets us stay in a state of mind. Our soul lets us feel. 

Other verses: Hebrews 11:6, Psalms 56:3, 1 Thessalonians 5:16

"Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crownexcept by competing according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this.Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God’s word is not chained. Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory. Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him, if we endurewe will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful  for he cannot disown himself."-2 Timothy 2:3-13

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Stuck at a CROSSroads

Hello everyone! I realize that it has been over a month since my last post. I deeply apologize. Although I have a lot of spare time-since I'm not in school-I rarely find time to post about my life. I created this blog as an outlet, so to speak. A way for me to share my thoughts and insight with the world via the intranet.

Here lately I have spent time thinking about what I am thankful for. I am taking part of the "thankful November" that always seems to take up my news feed this time of year on Facebook. This year, I decided to jump on the bandwagon. So far I have made it to day 13. Although I have missed some days, and post multiple status' it's nice to reflect on the blessings that the Lord has given me. Just to name a few, I am thankful for my salvation, my mom, my grandparents, my brother and his wife, my best friend, my home, etc. The list goes on and on, and the past few nights I have found myself laying in bed thinking about what my next thankful status would contain. Although I haven't posted a status today, I have recently really been dwelling on the idea of the cross.

We all know the story, well most of us. That God sent His only son, to die for our sins. He was born, swaddled in a manger, and grew up, showed the world all His miracles, died on a cross, rose again, and ascended. That's the short version. As you can tell I did paraphrase a bit. Let me break it down for you real quick. My favorite time of year is approaching, very quickly I might add. As all the leaves fill my yard I can hardly contain my excitement. I LOVE Christmas time. It's my absolute favorite. I love every part about it. The lights, the trees, the shopping, the music, the nativity scenes, everything. So with that comes a lot of thinking. Why do I love it so much? Here's what I came up with.
Christmas tells about the GREATEST love story ever. How God loved us so much he sent His ONLY son to die in my place.

See the manger scene is only the beginning of such a story. The wooden manger leads to the Old Rugged Cross. That's what makes it even better. The thought of the cross.

The Cross is a symbol. To me it shows the pain and the suffering that Jesus took for ME. It also shows me a sign of hope, a place for refuge. When it comes to the cross, we have two choices what we do. What we do depends on the situation we're facing, the road we travel, sometimes what decisions we have to make-the tough ones, when were stuck at a crossroads in life. We can either hide behind the cross, and allow the Lord to protect us, guide us, lead us, put us in His will. Or we can stand in front of it, defend it, fight for it, maybe even be crucified for what we believe, what we want, what we do. The cross justifies, and it defines. The beauty of it all is that it started in a manger.

"Lord, take me-something small-like the manger, and make me something great-like the cross. Hide me when needed, and grant me wisdom to know when to stand in front of the cross. I am willing to protect the cross as it protects me. Define me within the cross, as You continue to define me."

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

This Little Light of Mine

It has been almost a month since my last post. For those who read regularly I apologize! Allow me to give you a quick run down of my life in the past three weeks.

Lauren, my cousin, and Jonah tied the knot! It was a pleasure to stand by her side and watch as they began their new life together. A beautiful wedding was not put on hold for one moment, despite the rain, the sunflowers were bright and smiles were on every face, although the mamas shed some tears. It was a lovely day in a vineyard as two became one. I wish them nothing but wedded bliss. So thankful I got to witness true love be joined together in the love of Christ.

Later after the wedding I had a BIG decision to make. I decided to withdraw, temporarily, from nursing school. I will graduate a year later than I had planned. But it has been nice to take some time off and enjoy what seems to be passing me by quickly. I got to spend a couple days at the beach. Which was nice. I love it there. It really gives me some 'Me and God' time. To sit by the water and hear the ocean, think about how amazing God is to have created the scenery painted before me as I stare out into the water and rub my toes in the sand. Absolutely breathtaking.

I've been thinking here lately. About my walk with Christ. Although I sometimes feel that I have found my place in the will of God, sometimes my plans seem to be the least of God's worries. I heard the other day that I need to not worry about it, just do it. Let God handle the rest. That's what I need to do. Sometimes when I sit and read my Bible I don't often feel that God let the book fall open to a certain place and just pointed out what I need to see, but the other night while flipping from page to page, I began to read about being the light of the world. Then I started researching the subject. This is what I found.

  • Jesus came AS a light. "Those that believe in Him shall not abide in darkness." Believe in the one who sent Him, the Father fave Him commands about what to say, what to do. Read John 12:44-50 for further explanation. 
  • The Father's command is EVERLASTING LIFE. 
  • Mark 4:22 says, "For nothing hidden which will not be revealed nor has anything been kept secret but it should come to light."
  • Ephesians 5:8 "Once in darkness but now you ARE light the Lord." 13) "All things that are exposed are made manifest by the light."
  • John 8:12 Jesus says,"I am the LIGHT of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life."
  • Matthew 5:13-16 "You are the salt of the earth, but if salt loses its saltiness how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven."
  • Luke 11:35 "Take heed that the light which is in you is NOT darkness"
I plan to let my little light shine as the song says. Will you agree with me? 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Around the corner

Hey guys!! I know it has been a couple of weeks since my last post.

School is in full swing, a little bit faster than before. Between a crammed weekend of clinical days and work I have found little time to log on.

Around the corner in the next week or so here's what I am expecting:

  • Picking out wedding programs for Lauren's upcoming wedding
  • Final touches of my bridesmaid's dress (including jewelry to complete the look)
  • Getting my nails done, which is my absolute favorite!
  • Turning in a project
  • Studying :(
  • Paperwork for school
  • Work
  • Clinical time
My last post regarded me still trying to find my place in this big world. Although I'm still searching for my exact hole to fill I have heard from multiple people some encouraging words.
A co-worker told me she felt that the ER was for sure where I was supposed to be.A patient told me I just look like a nurse. Not really sure what that means, but I wasn't going to question her.  I'll pause for a second. It takes a special heart or qualities to work in healthcare. It takes motivation. Although it's very mentally and physically exhausting sometimes we feel like we don't work in vain.

That moment sorta justified my career choice.

Although I'm still in search of God's great plan I will lean on Him rather than my own understanding. 

Thankful for everything, today. Even the little blessings.

Happy Tuesday!!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Help me find it.

I know it's been awhile! Let me fill you in :)

So school has started back. My calendar is in full swing between working every weekend, clinical hours, and classroom time. My social life is back to a minimum. Such an adjustment after a month off of school.

Between all the hustle and bustle of my crazy life I have still been able to balance sushi dates with my best friend, quality time with my grandparents, and the occasion movie on Tuesday night (only because its $5 at the local theater).

I have realized, especially since the beginning of Nursing School and having a Big Girl job, that I sometimes do not really handle stress that well. I am so high strung. However, I do a pretty good job of keeping it together, at school, or work. But as soon as I bust through my back door at home my sweet mother and other close relatives feel the full force of my dismay.

A lot of times I find myself doubting where I am in life. Where am I? Why am I here? What in the world is going on?! I feel like on occasion I finally see God's will for my life, and then it's gone. Like maybe I really didn't find out what it was just caught a glimpse of what I think it may be.